one of those nights where i'm just done...

sometimes I feel just a little empty...


I've tried to get over it...
I've tried to make things work...
I've tried to give people chances...
CRASH and BURN

I'm DONE.
I'm done comparing to what I used to have.
I'm done falling for guys that aren't interested and soon start dating someone else.
I'm done with never being interested in the guys that actually like me.

Why Can't it Just work like it did before?
A long LONG time ago...

He's been able to move on...why can't I?
I ended it...I knew we weren't supposed to be together
so why does it feel like this?
crappy...

These are some wise words from one of my friends...they seriously spoke to my heart. It's how I feel somedays:

you have no idea how you've altered my heart. I can't move on. I'm stuck. In love with someone that doesn't exist anymore. I can't replace him. I can't rebound, I can't go on- no one's good enough. No one could be better than you. And you aren't even real.

SOMEDAY I'll move on...I just never thought it would have taken this long or would be this painful.

which ROAD to take....

So for some reason this past year has been a year of really deep thoughts. I mean I always have been someone who thinks ALL THE TIME but this year and especially these past few months there seriously has been a hurricane in my head. I think about my life and where I want to be in five years and I just wonder how I am going to get there? I have been questioning every thing and trying to really determine what I want to do with my life. Do i want to be a nurse? Do i want to go on a mission? Do I want to be a family therapist? When will I be able to travel? Will i ever get married? haha : ) I don't know!!



Really all I want to do is finish school and open an etsy shop or write music : ) That is my dream!! I know all of those are awesome jobs but really isn't life about doing what you are passionate about? I want to help people and work with people but you don't have to be a nurse to make a difference in someone's life you can do it anywhere! I am passionate about people and I just feel like I need to further develop talents I actually have already rather than try and pretend I'm really good at science when lets be real I struggle! But we will see, tomorrow I will probably still be dreaming of working in a hospital with the cute children there and will be ready to WHATEVER it takes to get there but we'll see what course I will take. I know the Lord will direct me from doing something I am not supposed to do but ultimately it is up to me to make a decision and make it happen! I just gotta choose!! No more staring at the different roads I could take...it's time to jump aboard the train. Wish Me luck!

Near Death Experience....

Well I guess you could say the Lincoln Escape does not know how to escape danger...On our drive home from Oregon...mother nature decided to produce a blizzard around the Ogden area. People wonder why I hate Utah well ITS BECAUSE IT SNOWS IN APRIL!!

But don't worry...not only did i have to drive in weather conditions that really looked just like this...



I also got in a CAR ACCIDENT!! My first one EVER. AND don't worry....the cop decided to give me a ticket for wreckless driving. Cool ya totally meant to drive into the median....that was exactly my plan!! ugh!! BUT honestly....how did I end up reacting in the end?? I laughed... Mostly because of Megan, Chucks, and Liz's tender comments. They always kill me and lighten the mood. I defintely would have died if they weren't there. ahhh it is time for the SNOW to STOP!!! But all in all...

It could have been horrible and i realize it could have been a hundred time worse. But, it was still horrible and SCARY. We truly are blessed to still be alive. If it happened any earlier or later...Matters would've been a lot different...

The Lord watches out for us. He provides tender mercies when we least expect it.
YES, a car accident sucks and YES it was not fun dragging all of our suitcases through 2 feet of snow in flip flops!!
But, we made it into a hotel, we are all ok and we are safe from the storm!

I love the Lord and am so grateful for all my many blessings. <3

Also...Harry Potter Fans!!

A Harry Potter Theme Park..

http://movies.yahoo.com/photos/collections/gallery/2493/harry-potter-orlando-experience#photo0


http://hotnewstrend.com/harry-potter-theme-park

This made me really happy...I will be visiting this place AS SOON as it opens!

Music is my Boyfriend....

How real this statement is sometimes haha
This song is currently my love right now....



Other music loves at the moment...

William Fitzsimmons
Peter Bradley Adams
Schuyler Fisk

Listen, Love, Enjoy

Thoughts....

Yes it has been an extremely long time since I have blogged. School takes up most of my life during the year and I just get busy! But I just have had so many thoughts and experiences this morning that I knew I couldn't leave unwritten or unsaid. So I brought my blog back to life...

Well you could say this was definitely not a typical Friday morning for me. After having a late night (which is completely normal) I naturally woke up at 7 this morning?! Umm...that NEVER happens. So since I was failing to fall back asleep I began blog surfing. Again, another completely normal event in my days of life. But today I came across a blog that just really touched me.

This blog http://thelongestyear.typepad.com/my_weblog/lora_love_grief/ is about a woman who started a blog when her husband left for Iraq for a year and it was to help him feel connected to his sweet family he left behind. This woman began a hobby of photography and also dedicates the blog to photos that she takes. But as I was reading through her different entries she would now and again mention someone very close to her who had passed away. As i kept reading I soon found out that this person was her little sister Laura who died in a car accident right after she graduated college. There were all these entries of how hard it was and the pain she still vividly felt even tho it was so long ago.

So I'm laying in my bed reading all of these posts and crying to myself because all I could think about was my own sister. Seriously I don't know what I would do without her in my life. I cannot imagine the pain that this poor family went through. My sister is my best friend, someone who is always there and completely understands me when no one else in the world can. We can go from off the wall craziness to deep, spiritual conversations about life within seconds. There is no one else in the world who can make me laugh like she can!

We have so many crazy memories and inside jokes that no one around us EVER understands! We kind of get in our own world whenever we're together. But I just wanted to have a little tribute to my sis and to express how truly grateful I am for the little things I take for granted so much. Life truly is wonderful because of the amazing people that touch our lives and makes us want to be better.

Everyday I realize just how very blessed I am to have the sister and family that I do and most importantly the gospel. Life on earth can change so fast and there are hard times that really test our faith but this life is so short compared to the eternal life to come. When we have trials and darkness fills our life, we must turn to our Heavenly Father for comfort. He will give us hope and will open a door that will fill our lives with light and happiness. He truly is the only thing we can constantly rely on. My heart goes out to anyone who has lost someone close to them. I really do not know what that feels like but I can only imagine how hard it would be.

We should never hesitate to show our love to those who are still with us. We never know when things can change. Every moment in life should count and should be used to lift others up and make the world better. I truly am grateful and pray I can be better at expressing my love to those I care about. So on that note, I LOVE you all and specifically today, my sister Jaclyn "Chucks" Anderson! <3

Yes...I have been dead for a while

So yes I have dead to the world for well the past month. I have been doing EFY in Tacoma and Forest Grove and have been loving my life! I went as a kid but it has been a totally different experience being a counselor. I love working with teenagers and just having an excuse to be crazy all week...it is great. It's also amazing to see how the kids grow throughout the week...it seriously is a dream job!

Here's my cute group my first week of work in Tacoma...

I have learned so much from these kids and have loved every minute of being with them. I work with amazing counselors too that teach me so much of what I still want to become. So now I have done 3 weeks and will do 2 more after next week. It has been good to be home tho and I am super excited to go to Shasta with the fam this next week! The summer is goin real good...<3